4/28/12
Its been awhile since i was last on here not much is the same lost alot and gained more. Finished college now im with out home restless the hungry in side of me is really causing me much pain the number is 14 now from 4 to 14 in 6m. wow what can i say after a year of hell and way to many nons-sleeping pills i woke from a sleepness rest and begin to feed on all i can have lucky me i was able to push away some of it but due to my choice in dealing with pain i am now one of many…
Found a wonderful guy not sure if it will work out no real reason it wont he’s good to me and the kitty lol. he says on july 24th he’ll be asking for my hand. I must say i do beleave him he is offering the moon and star some things i thought i wanted he dose not have but in so many ways he has what i need his mother is alittle bit of a jerk due our differense in godly views i really dont give a fuck what she thinks but she needs to realize what effects her son effects me “Like lady really i plan on a furture with your son a partner ship with god and him kids blah blah the whole 9” He is very good in bed not a 9in-er but it works just fine where it is his body amazing. I cant say that im 100% ready for what he is trying to give me but i will be soon.
B.C. love
It’s been months now and im still loving me still loving the shit i do and how i do it but the thing that really is altering me and my feelings is how dirty covers love like love is lies Dont get me wrong i still feel that its hope-less but the whole ill pick the pass over the now drives me crazy i cant stand this shit man its like walking up a walk.
I put aside the games and other men for one ended up in a bad place had my nimbers incr 10fold. Now agian im wanting but i cant have, its only so many no’s i can take befor i start to take. Had crazy sex with a sinner a sad man made a pot of gold lay beside the bed next lay let a another man listen to my heart beat beg him to fuck the pain out of me IM sure you’ll like that, I wanted him because i hated u now he wants me because i sung to him, still hopen its a bad dream so i halt him for now in 2weeks ill tell him yes and please him till the sun rises, hands that respect my body will one day get to enter lord knows i been up and down good and bad but now that she is back i 1s again go down. b4 bed i ask for another day even with pain i still wants this. SHE LOOKS like no women to me even with “hand and thumb” she still should have no place over me. I cant keep you away from my heart and mind because i let you in now i cant keep u out.
Remember i could have been your better
Last night as i late din bed i thought to my self how much i missed you and fro a momment ther i even 4got what happend and told u to come to bed then i realized u are not here u have not been here for months i was a little sad but every time i think of u i find the last reason i had to forget you… Lord knows i miss u but all in one i all most hate u.
Some days i think to my self if you think of me i know u do after all i saved u and throu u bk so my goodness still lives some where deep inside of u, if u are wondering how i am im ok never really been good or great halth is still so so some days i think its my last but god pulls me through none the less. I had a little bit of a break down after u left ended up sleepying with 4guys so now my number is 7 wow. Some dasy i feel sorry for my pointless sex but others i dont today i do but i want more.
Been lookn 4 u not sure what id even say to u maybe a hey or a sorry. But who knows if i never tell or say any thing else to u let me just say this. “I loved you so much i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but after you telling me no I didnt know what to do with my self and didnt think it was any reason for us to stay togather, you spoke of kids and my answer was all ways yes but my sickness kept me from taken hold of that dream, im sorry for how i let you go but i had to it was the only way to save you from me, i would have never though i would want to harm u so bad but after all those years i did. 12tears feel after u went but now none falls i cant bring my self to cry for such a bitch, i blame your mother for it all she never showed u how to not fall.
Remember those two guys well one of them know i want so bad u know me i have a thing for broken men, he so big and his wanting is so strong, not sure where or what he wants but id take him on… just the other day i brung him home made love to his parts all most all night long he’s like u parts dont work much but one simple kiss and a touch and its on. If U COULD DO ONE THING FOR ME IN RETURN LET THIS BE LOVE AND I BE HAPPY WITH HIM A LIFE TIME LONG.
BLACK AND BLUE KISSES AND BLOODY HANDS A LADY THAT WAS YOURS AND LET YOU GO ALIVE AND HURT SORRY BUT I DID IT FOR YOU NOW DO SOME THING GREAT FOR ME
sex kills
In the mist of it all I look back and still cant understand what went wrong Lord knows I love that man with all my heart but due to his worldly thoughts he cant see nor dose he want to im just sitn here eyes full of tears tryn to think y.
YEARS came and went and the only thing i wanted for him was that he was happy and doing well but he’s better then that HE’S A LIE.
I seen a pic today of him with his arms wrapped around her made me so sick that i all most lost lunch… Its taken every thing in me not to call him and flip out i want to harm him so bad that the only thing he would wish was 4 me to stop.
JUST SEEING them drives me crazy with anger…. What do i do, All i need is you… Had i never have had that one night stand with my bf with my man just in’s from me i could have still had him I loves will so much not even time can take that away from me I look back and wished it could have changed but lord knows it was for the best all i want is real love some thing that i can say in mine for ever, i am never the one to go back but all ways the one to finish.
the day i thought he was dead i cryed soo, years later i wish i would have not spoke to him.
DEAR god please hell me im about to go crazy u see and know my heart please help me…
“I know she cares the problem is I dont…”
lsd-bitch
“totally unawar of the air i take, lifes some thing like crazy no one really knows why we wake.”
lsd-bitch
who knows
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some days i just wish i knew what is my reason...
“send my love around the world, i dont need it any one i never want to see it any more, children will play but never dance in my womb…”
lsd-bitch
the blade will cut deep
i was reading today like we all do every day on our network, when my eyes seen some thing that was to say the least disturbe-ing, the man i sex has some thing with in some thing i fear i may have now, i called faster then i ever had… “i wont lie if there is an unwelcomed guess the blade will cut deep, ill bleed this lie for what its worth.
lsd-bitch 5150
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